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Thursday, September 29, 2011

Managing Elyssa

----- Warning: this is a ranting post! ------
I have to confess that these days, I often think that Elyssa is irritating - she talks too much, she talks to loud, her pitch is too high, she whines too much, she cries too much and she doesn't listen to instructions.
*Sigh*. Then I try to remind myself that my poor girl is dealing with major adjustments - to a new baby sister and to me going back to work.
Elyssa's nature is such that she just loves and craves attention. The more the better!
But these days, I just don't have the time and energy. Need to wake up early to pump milk, then go to work, then rush home to pump milk again and then one round of direct nursing before I go to bed exhausted. If only there's more time!
I think Elyssa genuinely loves her baby sister, but doesn't like sharing the limelight. She's probably acting up so that she gets more attention. And of course the more she acts up, the more irritated we get. I try to do what I can - when I come home from work, I greet and kiss her before baby, I try to give her plenty of hugs, I tell her bedtime stories, after I scold her I try not to talk my baby talk to Erin (so that she doesn't get jealous) etc....... but it's just not enough :(
I feel like she wants a lot more than I can give!! *sigh*. I can't even go up or down the staircase without her tagging along, sometimes with her insisting on holding on to the corner of my t-shirt.
(I hate it when this happens during the morning rush to get ready for work - I run up the stairs to get my phone, she follows while bugging me "why, why? why are you going upstairs". Then I go down again.....then realise I need my breastpump adapter. I run up the stairs again with her going again "why, why, why" while holding on to my shirt.......Aaargghhh...Annoys the he** out of me!!!)
Then sometimes while nursing Erin at night, I read my old blog entries of her as a little girl...... and I'm transported back to the times when I regarded her as my precious little darling, when I was truly happy just by seeing she was happy.
Then I feel like I want to cry. What has happened? Why is it like that now? Then I resolve to spend more time and be more patient with her.
But....then the next morning begins and before I am fully awake, she starts to whine AGAIN. And I get irritated AGAIN.
So, that seems to be the cycle for the past few weeks. When she's with me, I feel irritated by her. When she's not with me, I feel guilty (during lunch today, I bought her a Hello Kitty pyjamas set!)and miss her. Go home, feel irritated when she whines again.
What should I do????


Unknown said...

Dun worry lar, guess big sis E just wanted to take ur to her nicely, I'm sure she'll on every milestone have diff characters...just try to find what they need...slowly adjust, I think everything should be fine.

A few more weeks to go, I dun dare to think how am I going to handle my 4yo boy with my baby later...handle one child is more easy than 2 rite?

Kristie said...

Adrine, hang in there k. It's definitely easy trying to juggle your time and attention between 2 kids. Especially at elyssa's age where she's very aware of things around her right now. Does she treat daddy this way too or only towards u? I'm sure it'll get better when Erin is able to play with Jie jie elyssa then she might feel that having a younger sibling is a good thing after all! Cheer up babe and hang in there k *hugs*

Chinneeq said...

Perhaps Elyssa is just being herself but with a baby around, maybe we feel that it makes a big difference when someone talk louder (esp after spending so much time to put baby to sleep so we can get some work done).

Baby will grow up and Elyssa will adjust herself to a new routine with a new baby in soon soon. Hang in there...

Alice Law said...

Yeah, I'm pretty much facing the same problem too... I always feel sorry for my girl tht I didn't pay enough attention 4 her. She has became bossy and nuisance since her lil bro was born, while I started to hate her despicable behavior and get irritated with her long whining talk, contrary I hope to treat her better after the next sun rise!

cre8tone said...

Poor mummy.... Give her some times.. I'm sure she can adjust to the major changes soon!~ Ganbatte Mummy and Elyssa...

Caterina said...

It's a phase. I used to feel irritated with Justin too. It's the growing up phase with elyssa that is exploding with emotion n u, u're adjusting to the new routine in life. All of u are, n soon that new routine will fall nicely in place n everyone will be comfortable with it. Bear in mind that during this period of time the grandparents are not around too. They have always been giving the best attention that elyssa will want during the day n during this period her other grandmother may not fulfill that so much, so she turns to u when u're back. U're good, she's good. It's just a phase. It'll all be ok.

Health Freak Mommy said...

Sounds very much like my situation with my #2 ever since my #3 came along. Like you, when I watched old videos of us together - just the 4 of us w/o #3, how I miss her and those times. Now, she has changed into someone who irritates me all the time. I think my #2 craved for my attention too, like how she used to get b4 her bb sister arrived. I feel very sad too at times. And beats me, I still don't know how to handle this situation that we are in now even after 3.5 yrs, sigh!!

LittleLamb said...

Just tell urself..just a phase...just a temporary moment.. with so many happenings, it takes time to get settle down. i know u r mighty tired..again just temporary n if possible, get whatever help u can..ur parents, in-laws, maid, etc.. Hang in there..


Stacy said...

Gosh having 2 is so different from just 1 ya. With 1, you can focus completely on her and so what if hubby complains a bit of being left out (hehe ok maybe that's only in my case!)

I'm finishing this book 'How to behave so that your preschooler will too' and thought of Elyssa a few times. I lend it to you soon, see if it makes sense.

Maybe try to take a day off work here and there to keep your sanity. I was doing 1 day off every 2 weeks mainly to keep up with baby food production for Jo Ern.

Unknown said...

Hi Adrine, a little strategy, the rest will pass. Before William came along, we signed Vic up for music classes on top of her kindy so to take her attention away from bb or me, keep her busy ykwim. Then the 2 months during confinement, the grandparents and daddy gave her most attention until i felt attention deficit from hubby. Vic went thru Elyssa's stage too, a lot of scolding, some assurance, some explanation, things soon passed. If she did felt jealous, we couldn't help it despite all our effort to assure her. Even NOW, they do get jealous of each other. So don't feel guilty, explain things to her many times, they need drilling into their little minds, but having two... well, they don't stop fighting, getting jealous, being great friends, etc...

Mummy Gwen said...

It's normal for kids that age to whine and fuss. Mine is already 5 and sometimes quite whiny too. As she is the only kid so it's not that bad lah.

Maybe you can ask your Hubs to entertain Elyssa so you could take a breather. Hang in there ya.

P/S: Regarding the groupon thingy, I'm not sure we were intentionally given a lousy table or not but there were so many unoccupied tables when we were there.

Oliveoylz said...

Don't worry Adrine. You're going through the "in-between" phase of juggling parenthood with a new baby and a new job too. Over time, everything will start to fall in place. Just give yourself time. Elyssa will eventually get used to the new routine too. She's a smart gal.

Mommy to Chumsy said...

There there, it's a phase she is going through. she has been the only child all this while hence it takes a while for her to adjust. It's ok to feel some resentment. We are only human. Sometimes Ashley makes me want to pull my hair out too. Hang in there.

Jacss said...

hey, i feel sad reading this. i can so relate to how precious we used to treat them & now they seem so annoying...been there!! i think this is probably just a phase..u r afterall a human too. with all the stress & changes that u hv to cope, it's tough on you too!!
my only advise is to just keep reminding yrself how precious she is, in return lets hope it might calm down yr feeling of annoyance!!
hang in there :D